Communication Tips for Parents
(http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=48) |
Be
available for your children
•
Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk--for example, at bedtime,
before dinner, in the car--and be available.
•
Start the conversation; it lets your kids know you care about what's happening
in their lives.
•
Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid
scheduling other activities during that time.
•
Learn about your children's interests--for example, favorite music and
activities--and show interest in them.
•
Initiate conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than
beginning a conversation with a question.
Let
your kids know you're listening
•
When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and
listen.
•
Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
•
Listen to their point of view, even if it's difficult to hear.
•
Let them complete their point before you respond.
•
Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.
Respond
in a way your children will hear
•
Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or
defensive.
•
Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to
disagree.
•
Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me,
but this is what I think."
•
Focus on your child's feelings rather than your own during your conversation.
Remember:
•
Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such
as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings, or help solving a
problem.
•
Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they
deal with anger, solve problems, and work through difficult feelings.
•
Talk to your children--don't lecture, criticize, threaten, or say hurtful
things.
•
Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not
dangerous, don't feel you have to step in.
•
Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is
bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk, and
they may share the rest of the story.
Parenting
is hard work
•
Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your
children. But parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with
teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other
pressures. If you are having problems over an extended period of time, you
might want to consider consulting with a mental health professional to find out
how they can help.
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